Is It Self-Sabotage or Intuition?
How to tell the difference in a slow burn relationship
When you're anxiously attached, telling the difference between self-sabotage and intuition can feel impossible.
One voice says, “Something’s off.”
Another says, “You’re just scared. Don’t ruin this.”
And in the middle? Your nervous system — spinning.
Especially in a slow burn relationship where everything is paced, thoughtful, and intentional, this question gets louder:
Am I sabotaging something good… or sensing something real?
Let’s break it down.
What self-sabotage feels like
Self-sabotage isn’t about drama — it’s about protection. It’s your nervous system trying to keep you from getting hurt again.
It sounds like:
“They haven’t texted yet… they must be losing interest.”
“I’ll pull away first so they can’t reject me.”
“Maybe I was never that into them anyway.”
Self-sabotage is fast, fear-driven, and full of urgency.
It’s often a younger part of you screaming, “Don’t get too close. It’s not safe.”
And if you’ve only known chaotic love, then steadiness can feel like abandonment.
You crave safety — but you don’t trust what safety feels like.
What intuition feels like
Intuition is subtle. It doesn't shout. It nudges.
It sounds like:
“They said one thing, but keep doing another… and that feels off.”
“This energy doesn’t feel reciprocal — I don’t feel prioritized.”
“I can’t explain it, but I feel my body tense around them.”
Intuition feels grounded, even when it’s uncomfortable.
It gives you space to reflect rather than spiral. And it often shows up after you’ve regulated your body — not in the height of panic.
So, how do you tell the difference?
Here’s a reframe I give my clients:
Self-sabotage
Urgent, obsessive, spiraling
Comes from fear of getting hurt
Feels like “I need to know right now”
Is reactive
Intution
Calm, spacious, grounded
Comes from a desire for alignment
Feels like “I’m noticing a pattern”
Is reflective
Self-sabotage is loud because it’s trying to protect your pain.
Intuition is quiet because it trusts your truth.
When in doubt, come back to the body.
Your mind might be spinning. But your body holds the real wisdom.
That’s why I created an EFT tapping practice for this exact moment — when you’re not sure if it’s anxiety or a real signal from your intuition.
🌀 It helps calm your nervous system, so you can make clear, compassionate choices.
Tap with me
Want to explore this more?
👇 Access the “Self-Sabotage vs. Intuition” tapping practice (just 5 minutes)
To start separating fear from truth — and come home to yourself.
